I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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