We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I want her autograph on my taint
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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