i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
