Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
