turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
