If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize