A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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