she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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