His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
