you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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