First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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