I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
