I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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