she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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