wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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