I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it's like iHOP with fire
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
