I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
