talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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