So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Randomize
