I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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