How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
