girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
