I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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