I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize