im having a threesome with these popsicles
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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