Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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