I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize