Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
