so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
