Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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