Please, let me fuck your mom
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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