john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize