I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
