Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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