Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
