Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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