He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
