there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
