the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
