The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
