its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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