pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
