so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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