We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
