Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
