problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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