I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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