She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
