His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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