ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
