it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
