Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
