so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize