we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
