Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
