I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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