fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
