Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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