They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I will be naked everywhere
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize