My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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