Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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