he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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