Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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