im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
