I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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