If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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