she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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