She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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