i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
