booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
