wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
