thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
