It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
