I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
