Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
