Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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