Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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