They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
